April Thoughts

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Hello, and welcome back to my tiny corner of the Internet, where it's just me and this smol puppy reading books and staying out of the way of the general populace. April has been crazy yet quiet, and in a way, I'm sure all of the world has felt similarly. I won't lie, this has been a trying time emotionally, but there is a certain comfort in knowing that it's completely normal not to feel normal right now. I was listening to a new Yungblud song the other day and I feel like I could hug the lyric, "It's a weird time of life."

Some journal entries from April:

April 7
Trying to do things that are good for me. Went to bed early, ran 3 miles, drinking decaf coffee. Feeling better! Time to get back into my novel.

April 11
It's almost Easter, and I can't believe life has been so odd lately. It feels like another planet, another world. But I have 170 pages of my novel complete, so I'm just going to keep going.

April 13
Listened to a fun podcast Dad sent me and it's all about being disciplined. That is essential to getting through and making the most of this time.

April 18
This morning I made blueberry muffins because I wanted to feel domestic. Trust that they were delicious, and it made me feel so encouraged to make something sweet and beautiful.

April 22
Last night I had this dream I was petting a large, fluffy golden retriever and now I want one. I've been going on drives just to get out of the house.

April 24
Definitely a little cynical-feeling and cooped up, but there is a glorious rain drizzling outside and I have Max Richter's Memoryhouse record spinning, so I really can't complain.

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Songs in My Veins: "The Key to Life on Earth" - Declan McKenna | "Cherry" - Harry Styles | "Maria, the Poet (1913)" - Max Richter | "Three Wishes" - Dance Gavin Dance | "Do Not Wait" - Wallows | "Forever" - Charli XCX

Missing: Cuddles, the ocean, a sense of normalcy, the movie theatre, coffee shops and my favorite record store, a generally more positive mindset, the S'mores Frapp.

Holding Onto: Purple lipstick, walks in the park with Daisy and Sophie, journaling, baking things, chunky knit sweaters, reading, writing my novel, checkered print Vans with black socks, Jesus, listening to lots and lots of music, morning runs.

The Month of March + Reviving This Space

This is one of my favorite old houses I go to visit from time to time. I'm not sure that anyone lives there. I just stand on the sidewalk and look up, imagining what it would be like to live life inside of this house. It's first-rate. And sorta spoopy.

So.

It has been over a year since I posted on this blog. I think somewhere along the way I got self-conscious about this space, and just stopped posting. But now that the current global crisis has afforded me more time to create, I started thinking about this space again. And what it could morph into, now that I am no longer 25.

This has always been a more casual outlet for me, something in between my Tumblr and my main blog. It's less formal, and I feel like here, I can post the more random things that I like. Such as: photos I took, quotes I love, art that inspires me, songs that won't get out of my head. Scraps from the series of journals I've been keeping since the fourth grade (if I'm feeling brave). Excerpts from my novel. Who knows!

Hi, hullo, welcome to my Quarantine Zone. I'll be here all week. (And for the foreseeable future.)

So.

I'm reviving this space. It doesn't matter if no one else ever reads these words. I'd just kind of like to know that it exists, even if it's infrequently updated. For now, that is enough.

This might be sort of a long-ish post, since I have many little things to share. Starting with, scraps from my March journal entries (I must be feeling brave). March has been such a formative month for me, with so many life changes it's hard to detail them all. Journaling has been a way to process, to cope, to rant, to heal.

March 3
"I hate that I'm taking our pictures off the walls."

March 7

You know what I want in life is just to be in a big sweater at all times, and to write. I feel that so strongly. 

March 16

I had this dream the other night that we were on a raft in the ocean. And I looked back and saw a wave, coming to crash on us, and the wave was like tsunami-size. It hit us, and I grabbed you, and I could feel you going under, but I held onto you and dragged your body onto the raft, and I saved your life.

March 24

Sitting out here at the park, I realize how busy and bothersome my life has become. I don't devote myself to God time and stillness as much as I'd like to think. There's always music in my headphones, distractions online, my phone nearby. It's rare that I'm still, but I woke up with a sense of peace and wellness this morning that is closer to what I've wanted.

March 28

Finally got Kaylie to listen to The Black Parade record by My Chemical Romance. Overheard, in the kitchen: "A key change? THIS IS SICK!"

Things That Matter: Frozen pizzas, sunshine, fuzzy socks, gold eye shadow, coffee, Kaylie, my iPod, Jesus and everything He's doing and everything He's done, the New York Times, the library, books, Daisy, being alive, having ribs and lungs and eyes and arms, my person out there somewhere, the fact that Starbucks and the Smores Frapp exists, nail polish, bare feet, all of my journals.

Songs in My Veins: "Generation Why" - Conan Gray | "On the Floor" - Perfume Genius | "Bury Me Anywhere Else" - Aaron West & the Roaring Twenties | "Wes Anderson" - Kerry Courtney | "Just Like a Woman" - Bob Dylan

Missing: Warm hugs, my favorite coffee shop, laughing with friends, the much raved-about Cousin Movie Night, hazel eyes, my Bible study group and church family, walking on the beach, normalcy, the greatest record shop that ever was, the library, holding hands.

Holding Onto: TV marathons with my sister, daily time to write, cups of coffee, checking in with my people, making playlists, a nice pair of jeans, birds chirping in the tree outside my window, blogging, books, cousin phone calls, health, an amazing family, and an amazing God.