April Thoughts

via Tumblr

Hello, and welcome back to my tiny corner of the Internet, where it's just me and this smol puppy reading books and staying out of the way of the general populace. April has been crazy yet quiet, and in a way, I'm sure all of the world has felt similarly. I won't lie, this has been a trying time emotionally, but there is a certain comfort in knowing that it's completely normal not to feel normal right now. I was listening to a new Yungblud song the other day and I feel like I could hug the lyric, "It's a weird time of life."

Some journal entries from April:

April 7
Trying to do things that are good for me. Went to bed early, ran 3 miles, drinking decaf coffee. Feeling better! Time to get back into my novel.

April 11
It's almost Easter, and I can't believe life has been so odd lately. It feels like another planet, another world. But I have 170 pages of my novel complete, so I'm just going to keep going.

April 13
Listened to a fun podcast Dad sent me and it's all about being disciplined. That is essential to getting through and making the most of this time.

April 18
This morning I made blueberry muffins because I wanted to feel domestic. Trust that they were delicious, and it made me feel so encouraged to make something sweet and beautiful.

April 22
Last night I had this dream I was petting a large, fluffy golden retriever and now I want one. I've been going on drives just to get out of the house.

April 24
Definitely a little cynical-feeling and cooped up, but there is a glorious rain drizzling outside and I have Max Richter's Memoryhouse record spinning, so I really can't complain.

via Tumblr

Songs in My Veins: "The Key to Life on Earth" - Declan McKenna | "Cherry" - Harry Styles | "Maria, the Poet (1913)" - Max Richter | "Three Wishes" - Dance Gavin Dance | "Do Not Wait" - Wallows | "Forever" - Charli XCX

Missing: Cuddles, the ocean, a sense of normalcy, the movie theatre, coffee shops and my favorite record store, a generally more positive mindset, the S'mores Frapp.

Holding Onto: Purple lipstick, walks in the park with Daisy and Sophie, journaling, baking things, chunky knit sweaters, reading, writing my novel, checkered print Vans with black socks, Jesus, listening to lots and lots of music, morning runs.

The Month of March + Reviving This Space

This is one of my favorite old houses I go to visit from time to time. I'm not sure that anyone lives there. I just stand on the sidewalk and look up, imagining what it would be like to live life inside of this house. It's first-rate. And sorta spoopy.

So.

It has been over a year since I posted on this blog. I think somewhere along the way I got self-conscious about this space, and just stopped posting. But now that the current global crisis has afforded me more time to create, I started thinking about this space again. And what it could morph into, now that I am no longer 25.

This has always been a more casual outlet for me, something in between my Tumblr and my main blog. It's less formal, and I feel like here, I can post the more random things that I like. Such as: photos I took, quotes I love, art that inspires me, songs that won't get out of my head. Scraps from the series of journals I've been keeping since the fourth grade (if I'm feeling brave). Excerpts from my novel. Who knows!

Hi, hullo, welcome to my Quarantine Zone. I'll be here all week. (And for the foreseeable future.)

So.

I'm reviving this space. It doesn't matter if no one else ever reads these words. I'd just kind of like to know that it exists, even if it's infrequently updated. For now, that is enough.

This might be sort of a long-ish post, since I have many little things to share. Starting with, scraps from my March journal entries (I must be feeling brave). March has been such a formative month for me, with so many life changes it's hard to detail them all. Journaling has been a way to process, to cope, to rant, to heal.

March 3
"I hate that I'm taking our pictures off the walls."

March 7

You know what I want in life is just to be in a big sweater at all times, and to write. I feel that so strongly. 

March 16

I had this dream the other night that we were on a raft in the ocean. And I looked back and saw a wave, coming to crash on us, and the wave was like tsunami-size. It hit us, and I grabbed you, and I could feel you going under, but I held onto you and dragged your body onto the raft, and I saved your life.

March 24

Sitting out here at the park, I realize how busy and bothersome my life has become. I don't devote myself to God time and stillness as much as I'd like to think. There's always music in my headphones, distractions online, my phone nearby. It's rare that I'm still, but I woke up with a sense of peace and wellness this morning that is closer to what I've wanted.

March 28

Finally got Kaylie to listen to The Black Parade record by My Chemical Romance. Overheard, in the kitchen: "A key change? THIS IS SICK!"

Things That Matter: Frozen pizzas, sunshine, fuzzy socks, gold eye shadow, coffee, Kaylie, my iPod, Jesus and everything He's doing and everything He's done, the New York Times, the library, books, Daisy, being alive, having ribs and lungs and eyes and arms, my person out there somewhere, the fact that Starbucks and the Smores Frapp exists, nail polish, bare feet, all of my journals.

Songs in My Veins: "Generation Why" - Conan Gray | "On the Floor" - Perfume Genius | "Bury Me Anywhere Else" - Aaron West & the Roaring Twenties | "Wes Anderson" - Kerry Courtney | "Just Like a Woman" - Bob Dylan

Missing: Warm hugs, my favorite coffee shop, laughing with friends, the much raved-about Cousin Movie Night, hazel eyes, my Bible study group and church family, walking on the beach, normalcy, the greatest record shop that ever was, the library, holding hands.

Holding Onto: TV marathons with my sister, daily time to write, cups of coffee, checking in with my people, making playlists, a nice pair of jeans, birds chirping in the tree outside my window, blogging, books, cousin phone calls, health, an amazing family, and an amazing God.

February 11-16

February 11

I found a new way to organize my to-do lists on this app on my phone and it's kind of giving me life. When you can look forward to specific joys such as morning coffee and listening to twenty one pilots, it makes Monday a whole lot better.

February 12

Ended the night with Harry Potter with the fam and a bit of red velvet ice cream. Learning how vital it is to carve out rest for myself in my day to day, especially when life is changing so fast.

February 13

I made a new friend today. Sometimes it's the little things like that that really carry you through.

February 14

"I love you, red hooded sweatshirt."

February 15

Friday mood: The barista in our college cafe whistling the theme to Jurassic Park.

February 16

Fill my days with Kinfolk magazine, sunshine, garage sales, lattes, running, laughter, photography, my parents, blogging, blankets, cold weather, peace, exploration, Vans and ripped jeans.

January 28-February 10

January 29 

I keep forgetting to write. This morning I woke up at 5ish even though I am tired. I wrote in bed and researched Snorlax slippers to buy for Kaylie's brithday and I know I need more sleep but this felt like the right choice somehow.

January 31

Moved out of my office and into the corner one and I have double windows and a view of the trees! God gives the greatest gifts.

February 6

I haven't written in a while because life has been insane and I haven't been sleeping. I want to write poetry but I haven't the strength and lines only come to me early in the morning at work. I realize now I've needed this, writing with pen and paper, writing anything at all.

February 8

Took some time to rest today after a crazy week of getting 0 sleep and running on caffeine. Getting back into a normal routine is what will help me the most.

February 9

Nothing has been like it usually is, but this morning I woke up and got a nice run before sunrise, which felt NORMAL.

February 10

Jesus makes everything better. So does family.

January 12-27

It's a longer post than usual, my friends. Grab a coffee or hot cocoa and settle in. ♥

January 12

On the topic of coffee, it is wonderful. On the topic of tea, also wonderful. I can, indeed, confirm that $11 does buy happiness, or, at least, a couple of refreshing drinks in a hipster environment.

January 13

Fun fact, what would it be like to dye (part of) my hair blue? Like, bright blue? What about a nose piercing? WHAT SAY YOU? I don't know, I've never dyed my hair before. And maybe I never will. But blue, though.

January 14

A Monday that didn't know it was a Monday. The best kind!

January 16

Didn't write yesterday, oh well. "Wherever you stand, be the soul of that place." - Rumi

January 17

Ran 3+ miles tonight under the stars and I really needed it. Super refreshing!

January 18

The day I drove off with my coffee mug still on the roof of my car. RIP. (Gone, but not forgotten.)

January 19

I woke up with a song in my head and haven't even left bed yet. Going to transcribe the melody.

January 20

Dad is reading the Harry Potter series for the first time and he randomly busts out with laughter and comments about how large Hagrid is and how mean Uncle Vernon is and it's kind of my favorite thing!

January 21

Went back to the place in the forest that felt like a dream. Staring up as the pines breathed back their thanks to God.

January 22

A lot of little blessings today and another fun run, feeling really into running again.

January 23

Was taken hostage by a late-night craving for mac and cheese yesterday so had to #MakeItHappen for today's dinner. Cuz sometimes, ya just gotta.

January 24

"That Neville kid can't keep track of his toad. Come on." - A quality update from my father, whilst reading the Harry Potter series for the first time

January 26

RIP Jan. 25, never to be written about in Ye Olde Journal. The highlight of the day was most definitely getting 2 books, 4 magazines and 1 album for $2.50 at the library book sale.

January 27

It happens faster than you expect and almost overnight. This is what it feels like, I tell myself. Write this down. Remember now so you can look back.

I just have to say thank you to everyone who takes the time to read these silly little updates. When I started this blog back in September, I was very nervous about sharing candid thoughts, but it has become something I truly enjoy and knowing that I will be posting them pushes me to be more creative about remembering each day. So thanks to you for reading! I really feel blessed that anyone would take the time.